


Spelunking

by BuffyAngel68



Category: Law & Order: SVU, White Collar
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-11
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-01 19:17:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/360310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuffyAngel68/pseuds/BuffyAngel68
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Forced into a challenging situation by an undisclosed requirement of his probation, Neal must look into the mirror at last and come face to face with truths he's been running from most of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

Disclaimer: I don't own either show and I've made no money off the use of these characters, who are works of other people's genius. I'm simply inspired by the two worlds (by all the 'verses USA has gifted us with, for that matter) and if Neal had to be dragged kicking and screaming into this scenario... I couldn't think of anyone better to see him through it. 

\-----------------------------------------

"What? No. Not a chance, Peter." Neal asserted, shifting out of his leaning posture against the front of the desk. Seated behind the large piece of furniture, his handler shrugged and favored the younger man with a sympathetic expression.

"Hey, if I could take the hit for you, I would, you know that. Hughes wasn't given an alternative... so we don't have one, either."

"Peter. I can't." Neal protested even more intensely, staring at the paper in Burke's hand as if it had suddenly grown fangs and begun to snarl at him.

"I know. You think I don't understand what hell this'll be for you?"

"But... a psych eval? I hardly tell *you* what's going on in my head, Peter, and I trust you only a little less than Mozzie!"

Peter fiercely suppressed the grin that compliment engendered and fought to stay focused on the problem.

"Appreciated, but you have to understand what blowing this off means. It was in the fine print of the deal you signed. I've been letting it slide and covering both our asses because I knew the battle I was in for when I told you. Now that they've found me out, if I don't make sure you get this done... we're both screwed. I'll be busted so low on the totem pole I'll be working out of a cave, like Batman. You... for breaking the agreement, you know what they'll do to you."

"I didn't know it was *in* the agreement."

"You think they care?"

Neal paced a short distance then retraced his steps to face Peter again.

"So I have to sit around and let some so-called *expert* dredge up everything I'm trying to leave behind me? I don't think so..."

"Who says you have to play it straight? Treat it like a short-con, if that's the only way to get through it. Make stuff up, string him along... hell, lie through your teeth if you have to. You used to be the best at getting people to believe every word coming out of your mouth was the gospel truth... when we both know it wasn't."

Neal raised an eyebrow. "Okay, okay, you still are the best. You just do it for a good cause, now."

"As far as you know." Caffrey mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." Neal shot back quickly then scrubbed both hands over his face. "If it wasn't for you, Peter, this would have me sprinting for some remote, beautiful corner of the world where nobody would ever find me... but I can't let you be hurt just because I don't want an unqualified, ego-driven fraud messing with my head."

"Not all therapists and psychologists are half-assed morons, kid. I've actually heard good things about this guy. He consults with the NYPD a lot, but he works for the bureau. I hear he's smart, intuitive, confident... pretty much you. Like I said, your best bet is probably to just bluff your way through and get it done as fast as possible. But if you decided to give him a chance... who knows, right?"

Neal hesitated for a long time, but gradually a concealing smile appeared on his face, drawing a mildly weary sigh from Peter. "Bluffing it is. Here." He said, handing Neal the slip with the man's name.

"George Huang... he works in the building?"

"Not that I'm aware, but Hughes said he's happy to work with you here. I guess it'll be up to the two of you."

"And there's no exit strategy? None?"

"Sorry."

"Sure you are. When?"

Peter glanced at his watch.

"It's... just seven-thirty, so about half an-hour."

"You're kidding."

"I wish."

"Well, at least I can get this over early. Unless a case comes in, you and I can still get breakfast at a reasonable hour."

Peter smirked and rapidly turned his chair away. Neal scowled and left in search of a cup of coffee to bolster him before the torture began.

\--------------------

7:55 A.M.

Finishing another complete circuit of the immense bullpen area, Neal discreetly shook his hands to soothe the ache from knotting them together almost constantly. When the elevator bell sounded for the twentieth time in a half hour, he paused and turned his head partially in that direction, hoping against hope that, as was the case every time before, it was not the stranger he'd been dreading. This time he was bitterly disappointed, but he settled himself and let a calm smile develop.

The shorter man gazed around, also smiled and approached Neal slowly.

"Neal Caffrey?"

"Dr. Huang. Good to meet you."

Huang accepted the offering and studied his subject carefully before replying.

"I can see it really isn't, but I'll do my best to change that."

"Your chances are slim to none, I'm afraid... but don't let that stop you."

"This process has to succeed for you, right? If it doesn't, you could lose everything you've built since you made your deal with the bureau."

Neal's smile shifted from deliberately casual to wary and uptight.

"Let's get something straight, okay? I'll do the bare minimum, give you at least part of what you want... you sign off and tell the people above Peter Burke that I fully complied and not only am I mentally stable... I'm damn close to perfect."

"So you're only doing this for him."

"My motivation is irrelevant."

"Oblige me."

Neal's heart sank and his stomach twisted as he realized he might not be able to breeze and deceive his way through the exam as he'd been planning, but his expression never changed.

"He's been good to me. Matter of fact, he saved my life. The very least I can do is make this minor sacrifice to be sure he keeps his job."

" 'Minor sacrifice'. Interesting turn of phrase."

"I bet you say that to all the psychos."

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"A psycho. Is that how you see yourself?"

The jab finally made contact with Neal's defenses. It didn't come close to breaking through, but the young man felt the impact and the brief twitch of jaw muscle Huang observed told him he'd scored at least a weak hit.

"Can we get this over with? I'm sure there's an empty office somewhere..."

"Actually, if you don't mind, I'd rather go out. There's a small park near here. It's well within your radius."

Neal's suspicion grew exponentially, but he fiercely reminded himself that it wasn't just his future on the line.

"The park is fine."

"Great." Huang told him brightly, leading the way back to the elevator. Neal released a slow breath, shook himself minutely and followed.

\----------------------------------

TBC........


	2. 2

A short distance inside the small park, Huang spotted a bench that was getting a decent amount of sun and claimed a seat on it. Neal looked it over but decided to stay on his feet.

"Always the guard up... ready to disappear at a moments notice." Huang observed.

"Lack of preparation has consequences."

"You've faced them before and survived."

"I told you, I'm not the only one at risk."

"You've had partners, accomplices."

"They knew the chances they were taking. They walked into the game with their eyes wide open. This time if I go down, Peter goes too... and he did nothing to deserve that."

"Nothing but trust and believe in you." Huang poked. Neal briefly glared at him then turned and continued to gaze out into the distance.

"You've got lots of nasty crammed into that compact body."

"Not nasty. Honest. Agent Burke put everything on the line for you."

"I know. That's why I'm here."

"All I'm saying is that it wouldn't be difficult to upset the delicate balance both of you have with Burke's superiors. One mistake they catch... one lie they uncover... it'll all come down around your ears."

"I know that, too."

"This is only for him, then."

"Right."

"Altruism, plain and simple. Nothing in it for you at all."

"A migraine if you don't get on with it. Other than that... no."

"On with what?"

Finally, Neal half turned to study Huang.

"The standard line of patter. Was I hit as a kid? Did anybody touch me in a bad place? Do I get angry or sad at the drop of a hat?"

"Were you? Do you?"

"Again, no."

"Good, that's dispensed with right off the bat. Now we can get back to the important questions."

"Such as?"

"Why you're really putting up with this evaluation."

"I told you..."

"No, you threw out the answer you were hoping would satisfy me and get me to ask something else. Not gonna happen."

"The president is Barack Obama, it's... 8:22 a.m., I'm in the state of New York, the borough of Manhattan, five plus eight is thirteen. I'm lucid, competent and oriented. Anything else you need to know?"

"Excuse me?" Huang chuckled

"Look. I need this to be over so I can go have breakfast with Peter and move on with my life."

"Which consists of what?"

"I don't understand."

"What do you need to protect so badly that you're willing to deal with me? What's so fundamental and necessary to your existence that you'd agree to spend time with someone you so obviously think so little of?"

Neal frowned, aware he was slightly losing his edge in the confrontation, but unsure how to stop the slide.

"It has nothing to do with you, specifically. It's psychiatrists in general. They're the most accomplished grifters and con-men in the history of the world. It's not a profession, it's a legal scam, manipulating naïve, trusting people out of thousands and thousands of dollars."

"And you wish you'd thought of it first."

"Sometimes."

"You don't think we do any good."

"If you all joined monasteries and convents and took vows of poverty before you started trying to heal people... then maybe I'd start to believe."

"Wowww. I see Agent Burke's had a pretty profound influence on you."

"What?"

"That sounded eerily like a police detective I know. He's a dyed in the wool cynic and also a dedicated conspiracy theorist."

Neal chuckled faintly.

"At the same time? Sounds like somebody I know, too."

"If I had to guess, that would be your friend Mr. Haversham."

Neal tensed immediately.

"Nobody touches him, nobody talks to him."

"I wasn't about to."

"Then why even mention... right. To see how I'd react. Now you know, so move to the next topic. Okay?"

"He's held the most sway over you for the longest period of time out of your whole life. If I'm going to get to know you, I think we kind of have to discuss him, don't you?"

"No."

"He's that fragile? He needs total protection from you?"

"Not by a long shot."

"Then why won't you talk about your relationship? I'm not asking for confessions or a litany of the crimes you've committed, together or apart. I'd just like to know his place on your map of the world."

Neal sighed, turned and paced back the other way a few feet.

“He trusts me. He trusted me from the first day we met without ever having to hear a word about my history, without asking who I was or questioning whether I was worth believing in. He claims he saw something exceptional. I’ve never been able to get more than that out of him.”

“Maybe he’s afraid that special quality will be tainted if he talks too much about it.”

“Yeah. That does sound like Moz.”

“And Agent Burke? Does it bother you that he wasn’t able to do what your friend did?”

“I’ll earn his trust eventually. In the meantime… he gives me other things that are just as important.”

“Like?”

“Friendship, freedom to express my ideas on cases, support when other agents aren’t as accepting or open-minded about my situation and my ability to change. Plus, he brought two incredibly beautiful, sweet, caring women into my life, along with a golden retriever who isn’t capable of hate or judgment and is happy to see me every time I show up at his door. As long as I still have those, I can be patient about Peter trusting me.”

“That’s a lot of gifts. Agent Burke sounds like a really great person. Your face says there might be more, though. Maybe something a little more double edged?”

Neal glared, but he finally consented to sit on the bench, so far toward the other end he was almost falling off. He dearly wished it was a longer bench.

“I wasn’t a child very long. I had to grow up in a hurry if I was going to survive. By the time I was eighteen I’d forgotten what boundaries were. The world I lived in… they were optional. If you chose to live outside the rules, you learned the consequences damn fast and you learned how to avoid them.”

“Making the same mistake twice can be fatal.”

“No kidding Once you had the new playbook down, though… life was whatever you wanted it to be.”

“Now you suddenly have a tangible boundary around your ankle.”

“One I can’t ignore no matter how I try.”

“So the darker side is having to adjust to society’s norms and mores again. What’s the lighter one?’

“Everything I gained. All the people around me who give a damn if I’m lying dead in alley somewhere… the looks of grudging respect I get more and more often from Peter’s team.”

“Less and less grudgingly, too, I hope.”

“Yeah, that too. The look on Peter’s face when he came to my apartment and found me working on a painting that was all my own, a Neal Caffrey original… sometimes I think I’d gladly wear this anklet ten more years if he’d show me that expression again.”

“What expression?”

“Pride.”

\-------------------------------------

TBC……


	3. Chapter 3

“Can you tell me why that’s so important to you?”

“No.” Neal responded instantly, rising once again to pace. Huang sighed quietly.

“You’re fighting this awfully hard. It makes me wonder what you’re holding onto so tightly that nobody else is allowed to even ask about it.”

“It doesn’t matter. The bottom line is that they’re *my* thoughts and *my* feelings. Peter’s bosses don’t have any right to them and neither do you.”

“I can’t evaluate you properly without your help, Mr. Caffrey. You know… now that I say that I realize that’s probably the goal for you, isn’t it? You stonewall, block me at every turn, hoping I’ll get worn down or frustrated and give up. I can’t afford to let that happen any more than you can.”

“Ah, you’ve got my number. Amazing insight, there.’ Neal shot back, words dripping with sarcasm.

“You’ve already opened the door an inch or two. Why not risk pushing it a little farther?”

“I have not.”

“You weren’t a child long enough… Mozzie trusted you instantly without asking for anything in return. Not to mention that your contempt for my profession and the fact that you knew the standard competency questions… that just screams that you ran into a lousy psychologist somewhere along the way. Probably more than one.”

“Yeah, well… prison shrinks aren’t known for skill *or* compassion.”

“Not true. They start out with the enthusiasm most of us possess right out of college, but it gets sand-blasted away by the hopelessness they face and the stress of being in danger every time they go to work.”

Neal glanced at his self-proclaimed adversary for a moment, but wouldn’t give more than that. Huang, however, sensed a place to stick his foot and pressed the other man. “I’m not here to do you harm, Mr. Caffrey. Really, I’m not.”

“You can use my first name. Mr. Caffrey…”

“… is your long lost uncle?”

Neal smiled tightly.

“Mr. Caffrey is nobody I know. It’s a name I gave the system somewhere back in ancient history. They still like it… so I saw no reason to argue.”

“And your real one?”

“Honestly… I think I threw it over a cliff pretty early on. I doubt I’ll ever remember.”

“You must have good reasons not to.”

“Probably. Something else we won’t be exploring.”

“You don’t want to get rid of the burden you carry? None of it?”

“The weight keeps me grounded. It serves as a… second conscience of sorts.”

“Good to know you think you have a first one.”

“The things I’ve done didn’t require killing my moral center, Doctor. Just the ability to sing it to sleep when necessary.”

“And the purpose of a back-up conscience?”

“To remind me why I’m not still in the game… and who I’d be hurting if I wandered off and started playing again.”

“You mentioned that earlier. Something about a back alley…”

“My landlady, June, would be holding the bloodhound’s leash and heading the search party.”

“Not Agent Burke?”

“Like I said, the trust isn’t exactly where it needs to be yet. It might take him awhile to be convinced that whatever trouble I was in wasn’t my fault. Are we done now? Are enough of my guts laying on the ground to satisfy you?”

Huang grimaced slightly.

“Colorful. A few more things and the answer could be yes.”

“Lay on, MacDuff. I’m hungry.”

“You deflected when I said I’m not trying to hurt you. What was that about?”

“A blatant lie doesn’t deserve an answer.”

“Lie? I don’t understand.”

“Taking a backhoe to my old wounds, trying to make me look at what you dig up… that causes pain and pain equals harm.”

“Not always. Sometimes it’s a sign of healing.”

“I heal by moving forward and never exhuming the bodies.”

“Cemeteries can get too full. Then exposure and removal become the only option.”

“I’ll buy more acreage. We’re finished now. Right?”

“Still not willing to get deeper into your relationship with Mozzie?”

“Keep dreaming.”

“Then I’ll see you here tomorrow. Same bat time, same bat channel.”

“You’re the one who’s bats. Let’s put it this way; *I’m* finished.”

“Do what you feel you have to. Just don’t forget that you blow this off at your own risk… and Agent Burke’s” Huang reminded him, rising to his feet. “Have a good breakfast.”

Neal watched him walk away, potent anger making him tremble so intensely he felt as if it could easily progress into a full blown seizure. Breath rasping in his throat, he soon left the park as well, headed back for the FBI building and the sanctuary of Peter’s office.

\-----------------------

TWO HOURS LATER:

Cursing the necessary evil called bureaucracy, Peter finally crossed the bullpen area and strode up the stairs. Not long after Neal left for his evaluation, Hughes had dragged Peter kicking and screaming into a series of meetings that exemplified ‘sound and fury, signifying nothing’ and he had only just been allowed to leave. He knew full well it was done to be absolutely sure he wouldn’t interfere or try to rescue his friend and colleague, but, despite logically understanding the reason, it still ticked him off no end. Opening the door to his office and realizing who was curled up asleep on his couch, however, shifted his mood completely between one second and the next.

“Neal? Neal, what happened?” he questioned softly, kneeling down and gently touching the other man’s shoulder. Caffrey awakened slowly and rolled to face his handler, blinking sleep away.

“Peter. You weren’t here when I got back. I needed somebody to vent all over… the only other thing I could think to do was try and sleep.”

“Guess it worked, huh?”

“Yeah. This thing is incredibly comfortable…” Neal commented muzzily as he sat up.

“I know, I bought it.”

“Smells like dog, though.”

“Satchmo comes to work with me once in a while. Can we get back to how the eval went?”

Neal scowled.

“Not as well as I thought it would.”

“That bad?”

“He kept bringing up my past, Mozzie… things I haven’t even thought about in twenty years or more. It doesn’t have anything to do with my mental state or whether I’m doing any good in this job… but he wouldn’t let it go. He… he says I come back tomorrow and suffer more of his bull… or the evaluation is down the tubes along with you and me.”

“Damn. I knew it’d be tough on you, but it sounds like he’s a real bastard.”

“I don’t know… maybe not. He’s doing what he thinks he has to, I guess, to get a complete report. I just can’t talk about all that stuff, you know? I can’t.”

“Yeah. Why don’t you lay back down and rest some more, hmmm? I’ll make sure nobody bugs you.”

“No. Lunch with you first… then I’m going home, if that’s okay.”

“Whatever you want. Wait ‘till you hear about *my* morning…”

\--------------------------------

TBC………..


	4. Chapter 4

Spelunking 4/?

\-------------------------

FBI: 7:45 THE FOLLOWING MORNING

“You’re actually beating a decomposing horse, now, Peter.”

“As disgusting as that was, I do get the point. I’m just trying to make sure you understand the consequences, here…”

“Better than anyone, except maybe you. When I signed that agreement, I gave them my loyalty and control of what I do and where I go, but I don’t remember a clause that says they get my soul. It’s the last piece of me that I still own. I’m not surrendering it to… to that infuriating, aggravating little head-shrinker.”

Peter suppressed a grin and lobbed the conversational ball back over the net.

“Sounds like he at least got a siege ladder up against the castle wall.”

“He tried. I shoved it off. Wish I could’ve knocked him on his ass at the same time.” Neal snorted, anger and bitterness clearly displayed, much to Peter’s surprise. The younger man’s emotions were usually buried much farther under the surface.

“Not so easy, hmmm?”

“The smug SOB is tougher than I was hoping.”

Peter sighed quietly.

“So you want me to tell him no.”

“I won’t complain if you decide to throw in a nasty word or two in front of that negative.”

“You mean like ‘hell’?”

“Worse would be fine.”

“We’ll see. Wait for me, okay? Hopefully this won’t take long.”

As Peter rose and took a step toward the office door, Neal looked up and added one last comment.

“I’m really sorry, Peter. The storm that’s about to drop on your head… I’d stop it if I could. There are just things I can’t afford to dredge up. I’ve submerged a lot of memories that are best left untouched.”

“Hey, I understand, buddy. No matter what happens, there’ll be no finger pointing and no blame. Not from me.”

Neal nodded and his handler exited, moving swiftly down the stairs.

“That’s okay,” the other mumbled when Peter was out of earshot. “I’ll do enough of that for both of us. Only self-flagellation, though, I promise…”

\-----------------

TEN MINUTES LATER:

Peter waited by the elevators and greeted the smaller man when he emerged. He understood immediately just what had made Neal so furious the previous day, but, at first, Huang’s attitude didn’t affect Peter the same way at all. When the other spoke, the FBI agent laughed.

“Doctor.”

“Shield and sword. Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah. Sometimes I am that. Also father confessor and retriever of Neal’s ass from the fiery furnace. This time… none of those apply. I’m here to warn you and ask for a little mercy.”

“I see. He’s that upset?”

“He authorized me to curse at you on his behalf.”

“As in ‘Hell no, I won’t go?’ ”

“Pretty much.”

“I appreciate the advice, Agent Burke, but neither of you can afford for me to give up on this assignment.”

“He’s not an assignment, he’s a human being who’s lived through some damned harrowing moments. He’s afraid you’ll trick or force some of that out of him and leave him in no condition to get out of his apartment, never mind perform the work he’s here to do.”  
Huang studied Peter carefully for several seconds before he calmly, quietly responded and left Peter no longer in any mood to chuckle.

“If the memories are that frightening and difficult to face… he’d be better off if he *did* talk about them.”

“Really. You ever spent any time in prison, doctor? I mean months… years.”

“You can’t know that’s what he’s hiding from.”

“It’s a pretty damn good guess. The first four times I visited him after his conviction, his face and arms were covered with bruises. I didn’t see any real healing until two months in.”

“Gentle souls who live in their heads stand out in that environment. They’re automatic targets for men who’ve learned how to camouflage their attacks… and there’s only so much the guards can do.”

“And you want him to re-live that?”

“No. This exam isn‘t supposed to go that deep. It doesn’t change the truth, though.”

“What truth is that?”

“You can bury toxic waste as deeply as you want to. It’s still toxic, still dangerous and still capable of leaking, doing harm to everyone in range.”

Peter drew a quick breath and took half a step back as Huang’s point sank in.

“He doesn’t want it. I can’t just let... I can’t.”

“If you genuinely care about him, if you genuinely desire to protect him… you can’t do anything else.”

After a long, tense stretch of minutes, Peter nodded slowly and pointed.

“In my office. Top of the stairs.”

\------------------------------------------------

TBC……….


	5. Chapter 5

Spelunking 5/?

\----------------------

At the gentle rap on the door-frame, Neal looked up with a faint smile that swiftly transmuted into an angry scowl. He rose and stepped forward, clearly intending to exit, but Huang held up a hand.

“I know, you’d rather ice-fish in Antarctica wearing nothing but your favorite fedora. Hear me out. Please.”

Neal hesitated then lifted his chin slightly, as if in indignation, and turned away, moving to stare out the window beyond Peter’s desk. “I’m willing to make you a deal. If you try to answer my questions honestly, including letting me follow up if I think it’s important… you get three chances to declare a veto and not respond. I swear, I’ll respect your choice and not push.”

Neal grunted and shot a terse reply over his shoulder.

“But you’ll save the tough questions until I run out of refusals.”

“Not necessarily… but no promises.” Huang told him with a grin. “You don’t know me or trust me, I get that. I just ask that you give me the benefit of the doubt and treat me a little better than you would your worst enemy. With more of the same effort you displayed yesterday… an hour, two at the most and I’m out of your life.”

“Until next year?”

“No. This is a one-time thing. You’ve been doing really well working with Agent Burke. The higher ups like what they’re seeing, but, no matter when your release hearing comes up, the parole board will need reassurance that you’re emotionally and mentally ready to be set free. Essentially, that’s why I’m here.”

At last, Neal turned and faced the other man.

“I am. You saw that yesterday.”

“I saw what you wanted to show me. I got a tiny glimpse into your genuine feelings, but that won’t be enough. As I said, I’m not going to demand your deepest fear and pain. Just be a little more open about how all this has affected you… and the people around you.”

Neal hesitated, paced a bit more then finally consented to take his seat again.

“All what?”

“New rule: no games on either side, okay? You know exactly what I’m asking.”

“Maybe, but it’s a lot more complex than you make it sound. It’s not… ‘all this’. It’s my life. The pieces don’t always work together and sometimes…”

“…you get stuck in the middle and can’t see a way out?”

Neal sighed heavily.

“Yeah.”

“Which one makes you more frantic and frustrated?”

“Impossible to tell. Peter’s showing me a life… I never thought I’d want. When I was in it, I really believed the cons and scams were the only path to peace and security. Never get attached, be ready to pick up and go the second you even *think* they’re closing in, stay one step ahead, always. Two if you’re very lucky.”

“The ultimate control.”

“You know better. It’s the ultimate illusion. There are things and people around me, now, that I can’t… that I *won’t* give up. I’m truly happy in this life. Understanding that the decision to keep living it or throw it all away is in my hands… that from now on it’ll always be my choice, my responsibility… that’s real power and real control.”

“Impressive insight and well said. What about the other side of the vise?”

Neal’s lips thinned and he turned his gaze down. “Veto?”

“No. Not yet. But no digging into his past or his life. I won’t let him be hurt.”

“Understood.”

“Okay. Go ahead.”

“You told me what draws you to Peter and the things he’s offered you. What pulls you in the other direction.?”

A mischievous grin appeared on Neal’s face and Huang felt as if the whole room had suddenly brightened.

“It was so damn much fun. When he’s fully invested in a scam, Moz… he’s just so amazing. He makes me laugh every other minute, keeps me on pins and needles wondering what he’ll think of next… Sometimes I miss it so much my whole body aches.”

“You’re worried he’ll eventually vanish if you stay the course with the FBI.”

“I know he will. He wants the old Neal back, but it’s harder and harder to remember who that was. Every time June kisses my cheek or Elizabeth hugs me and calls me sweetie… when Peter smiles and tells me I did a good job… it washes away a little more of what I used to be.”

“Does that scare you?”

“To the marrow.”

“Do you think Agent Burke recognizes that?”

“He wouldn’t be Peter if he didn’t.”

For several minutes, Huang let silence dominate, waiting patiently for the conclusion he sincerely hoped Neal was about to come to. Gradually, the epiphany took hold and the young man continued. “He knows. He never should’ve let me stay at June’s… but he managed it somehow. He knew El would mother me so he took the risk of letting me into his home and his private life. He made sure I had strong connections… to replace the ones I was letting go of.”

Huang allowed himself a momentary grin and rose to his feet. Shaking off the fog his revelation had created, Neal stood as well. “Are we done?”

“Not quite, but close. I think you have enough to think about for today, though. Another short conversation tomorrow and I’ll have what I need. I’ll meet you here…”

“No. The park.”

“That’s fine.”

“Okay. And I have all my lifelines left.”

“I remember.”

Huang strolled out, hands in his pockets. Neal stared after him for a long time, then curled up on the couch once more, despite knowing that this time he wouldn’t be able to sleep no matter how badly he needed to.

\--------------------------------------

TBC……….


End file.
